Wednesday, January 14, 2009

whats my price?

see the bright side of everything. to live positively, life lessons.

each time when the cut went deeper, i told myself. i just need to stand aside, i dont need to be around. i just need to be there when im needed. i'll jump into the scene, when im needed.

i dont believe you think i want something from you, give and dont think of taking? what did i took? i gave the heart, i gave the mind, im even willing to give my soul if i have to. yes, you didnt ask me to but i've never asked you to do the same either. so what did i took? what did i asked when the bullet goes thru me? i didnt, i choose to walk away, so its less complicating and less hurting for myself. and thats wrong in your eyes and thats requesting things in return, in your eyes.

well, im really curious, how much do i actually worth? am i just these little pennies, left at the corner of the room, when you're broke, you collect it back so that at least you can buy some snacks? thats all i worth right? ask honestly. how many pennies do i worth?

and its not just now. from day one, im just these little pennies, that you been holding on to. just in case. when you have the bank notes, these pennies not even worth a thing to you. you dont even mention bout them when you didnt see them. it didnt even crossed your mind. once you went broke, this is it. the pennies would last you at least a little while.

i just know very deep in my mind, if i die tomorrow, i treated someone sincerely. i might have built a barrier. but at least im not hurting anyone by doing so. i dont treat people like pennies.


Tuesday, January 13, 2009

i really wasnt where im at

I've decided, the moment i stepped into this place this morning. i gave up. this is never something i wanted to do. cooperate world is never something i fancy. i need to walk away. i dont wanna sit under the white florescent light. click on things i dont like to click on. six month and i realize this is the biggest setback of my life. i tried to be what these people label as normal, a normal human being with normal aims and expectations in life, spend money on normal things and normal people. its sad to say, the cooperate world failed to lock my mind in their safety box. im too liberated follow these rules. I've gotta find a way to get outtha this. Im leaving, and im leaving fast. i'll do different things in different surroundings, with wonderful special people, people who dont believe in society controled standards.

fuck you advertising, fuck you graphic designs, fuck them offices, fuck them 9-6. i fuckin hate you.

"Take me on a trip upon your magic swirlin' ship,
My senses have been stripped, my hands can't feel to grip,
My toes too numb to step, wait only for my boot heels
To be wanderin'.
I'm ready to go anywhere, I'm ready for to fade
Into my own parade, cast your dancing spell my way,
I promise to go under it" - Mr. Tambourine Man by Bob Dylan


Wednesday, January 7, 2009


Pain normally translate through our expression pretty literally, but when the invisible bullet shot us too deep, we just don't see or feel it anymore. everything turns stale.


Tuesday, January 6, 2009

Save you, you say?

People who says they're going to save you are people who are trying to save themselves, and people who save you to save themselves aren't really saving you


Monday, January 5, 2009

things you'll never read

You, you will never understand. Its beyond imagination. You can never see my side of lights. And i'll explain my actions this time. I can live in this semi conscious world, which i can portray myself as anything to suits the need of yours. but a semi conscious world will still be a semi conscious world. a wax figure of kurt cobain will never be kurt cobain. that is also why dreams are separated from reality. i made my peace toward tragedies a long time ago, im honest and i dont mind dying for telling the truth. i dont offer plastics. im not a figure of perfection, i cant fulfill your expectations, and i never intended to. all i can offer its an amount of sincerity and empty inbalanced box of feelings.when i say, okay. it means okay. when i say i'll still stand beside you, means i will still stand beside you.nothing more, nothing less.

but, you will never understand. ever. how deep a blank imagination would be.


im not there either

All of you, who cant accept my honesty, who shut ears when been told the truth, who dont understand the meaning of opinion and the freedom of humanity, i dont believe you, you're all liars.


Sunday, January 4, 2009

oh gone my holidays

December has been a very unpredictable month for me. too many things happened. some good, some bad, some pretty confusing. Went party hard with a bunch of friend on christmas eve, i almost got beat up by people's boyfriend but, good times. spent my christmas night with someone who means a lot me. Something happened during the day, so i just sorta sleep walk around the house doing nothing,

but we manage to make it, 30 minutes before christmas ends. thats what matters.

The next morning, i found myself following julia, eka and fuho to penang. Was a short journey, julia speed too much. We move from kl at 12, we reach penang at 3.30. its been awhile since i step my foot in penang, kinda enjoyed it. The beach and the food. yeah, thats what i say when someone ask me "what you gonna do in penang?", "beach and food". We lie on the shore at night look at stars too. I cant remember whens the last time i see stars. For your information, kl dont have stars, all you can see in kl is sad, orange sky.

Journey didnt just end in penang, we stop by Taiping too, also its been awhile since i went back Taiping. Nothing much happened, as usual, went drink with friends in 3 different locations.

Went back to work, really frustrating week. Dont like to talk about it.

New year eve spent with ebee, fuho and weixin. Went to the curve, it was so damn packed, that i feel real uncomfortable. Watched the fireworks, which i rather call it, explosions in the sky. Went back to weixin's house drank two bottles of wine with fuho, start talking about my stand on alot of things, music, life and view on higher power, i realize can only truly speak out when im tipsy. oh well, only both of them will know my real stand on those things. Anyway, happy new year. Oh gone, my holidays.

Here's some pictures. Taken with my phone. Photoshopped. Made into polaroid using Poladroid.

Sunset in penang beach.

The explosions in the sky